I'm trying to be the strong person that he thinks I am but I'm not. I keep failing at most everything I do. I try so hard to be pleasing and good but in reality I cant. It hurt me so much to know that Im not good enough...not strong enough...not deserving. He should have someone who is pretty, sexy, smart, obedient, good cook, good cleaner, everything Im not.
I want to tell him everything thats going on in my fucked up brain but I cant get the words out. I stumble and freeze and feel stupid for feeling like I do. He wants me to talk to him and tell him whats wrong instead of letting an alter take over. But I dont know if I can do it that way. I just dont know if I can keep the happy face on much longer but I dont want to loose him...
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