Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I can't be verbal so I write

I want so much to share my feelings with you but for what ever reason i just can't. So I write them down in hopes that I will one day be able to share them with you. I feel so...not me. I want so desperately to be happy but my brain wont let me. I feel like I'm trapped in a cage and there is no hope of ever being free.

When you yell at me my heart hurts and it retreats and makes me feel like I'm no good. I try hard and sometimes I forget things like setting the alarm. I don't mean to but sometimes it happens. I know as a slave I shouldn't expect you to notice when I do something or even give me praise but when I do something and you discount it...or say that I really didn't do something it hurts me...a lot. I am working on not caring and being all slave but its hard and I'm struggling. In time Im sure I will be able to not care and serve you in every way...I really can't even think of anything else...if I do Ill add to it...

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