Sunday, May 22, 2011

A topic that needs to be spoken about more....

As someone who wishes to become a child psychologist/peds nurse child abuse is a topic that I have to be very aware of. Child abuse is not something that a lot of people talk about because they feel that it is not their place to bring up concerns they may have. However, it is their place to protect children.The paper below goes into more detail about abuse and its many forms.


There is a lot of information that a victim services provider needs to know. A service provider needs to know the stats about rape and child abuse. They need to know how to talk to young children, teens, and adults about the trauma they have been through. A service provider needs to know how to talk to the parents of a victim as well as those parents who are suspected to be abusive. It is important that service providers are taught how to handle situations effectively.

            In early history children were seen as property. They were headed by their fathers. We can see this in the medieval time. Kings would usually marry off their daughters to the biggest neighboring kingdom. They did this to ensure that they had a large number of subjects and so there would be no fighting between the two kingdoms. Infanticide (the killing of infants) has occurred since early times. It was a way for people to ensure that the strongest humans survived. It was a way for unwed mothers to “correct” their mistake. It was an acceptable way to control the population and make sure only the strong survived.

            Rape victims are encouraged to report the rape to the authorities. However, a lot of people do not report the rape because of the fear that they wont be believed. A rape victim is often re-victimized when the come forward. Once reported the victim will undergo a rape kit. This kit has 13 steps to it. At first they receive authorization from the victim. They will take a medical history and the information from the assault. The person who is performing the kit will collect the clothing  and place them into a clothing bags. They will collect debris from under the nails, collect hairs and fibers, do rectal, vaginal, and oral swabs and smears. The rape kit can be as traumatizing as the actual rape to the victim. The victim is asked to re-tell their story over and over. They may be interviewed by someone that does not believe the story they tell. The victim may be told that their rapist will go free because their story is not true or there wasn’t enough evidence. Going through all of this can re-traumatize them. A victim of LGBT sexual assault is even less likely than a victim of a hetero sexual assault to report the assault to the authorities. This is because if they report it they could be outed. It is perceived that caregivers and police are homophobic there for would treat the victim differently. The victim of a homosexual assault may fear that they will be seen as a traitor to the larger LGBT community. Often the assault is blamed on the victims sexual orientation. It is assumed that the sexual contact between homosexuals is always consensual. Where as that is not the case in reports of heterosexual assaults.

            When a victim provider is interviewing a child they need to keep their voice soft and comforting. It is important that they make they child feel comfortable and safe. The service provider should inform the parents of what the interview and rape kit will include before they are in the room with the child. They should give the tools they will use funny names to make them seem less scary to the child. When interviewing the child they should let the child draw or act out what happened to them if it is not too traumatic for the child. When they talk to the child they should get down on their level. This will allow the child to feel safer and not threatened. The service provider that is conducting the interview should like children and be good with them. The service provider should let the child ask any questions that they want and try to answer them to the best of there ability. They should also allow the parents to ask what ever questions they wanted before and after the interview. It is important that the service provider takes the concerns of the child and parents to the heart and show them that everything will be okay. 

            There are different types of abuse. Out of all of them psychological and emotional abuse is the hardest to define, isolate, and prove/ This form of abuse is said to underlie all other forms of abuse.. It is not an isolated event but instead it is a pattern of destructive behavior that could include: rejecting, isolating, terrorizing, ignoring, and corrupting. Emotional abuse, in my opinion is the most destructive form of abuse. It can cause long term emotional problems in the child.

            Sometimes the courts need to remove a child from their home and will require a child to be placed in foster care. Many times the parents may believe that they are cooperating with the social worker and the placement of the child will be short term. The separation can be very traumatic for the child and it may cause inner conflict for the child. Foster care can be a very unstable place for a child. They are unsure of where they will end up because a foster parent may request that the child be removed. In Foster care the child has to make a lot of adjustments. They have to adjust to the separation from their family, they may have a new school, new neighbors, and sometimes even a different culture. For this reason foster care is considered as a last resort. For this reason a social worker needs to be creative in placing and protecting a child. Sometimes removing the child is not it their best interest. When this is the case a social worker will try family preservation. Family preservation is one option that is preferred over removing the child. The exact reason for the removal of a child needs to be closely analyzed. Is the child in danger? Or will the removal hurt the child more than staying at home would? Steps need to be taken to insure that foster placement will provide the best therapeutic atmosphere possible. The biggest concern is what is best for the child.

            Many people believe that if someone was abused or neglected as a child they will abuse or neglect their own children. This, however, is a myth. People will not always abuse their children if they themselves were abused. It is also a myth that children who were abused will become deviant adults. For every inmate in a correctional facility who was abused as a child there may be 50 more that were abused but did not turn to crime. People who have been abused may exhibit many different things listed in the chart below.

Physical Abuse
Neglect
Sexual Abuse
Difficulty Trusting others
Low self-esteem
Anxiety and fear
Physical problems
Anger
Depression
Inability to play
Anger
Low self-esteem
Impaired object relations
Lowered intelligence
Verbal inaccessibility
Difficulty with relationships
Perception of powerlessness
Difficulty trusting others
Anxiety and fears
Shame and guilt
Anger
Depression
Abuse of alcohol
Sexual problems



            In 93 percent of child sexual abuse cases, the victims know their abuser; and up to 88 percent of sexual abuse cases are never reported. It is alarming how many children are abused and are never believed. There are several warning signs that one needs to be aware of.  They are listed below.

Behavior you may see in a child or adolescent


  • Has nightmares or other sleep problems without an explanation
  • Seems distracted or distant at odd times
  • Has a sudden change in eating habits
    • Refuses to eat
    • Loses or drastically increases appetite
    •  Has trouble swallowing.
  • Sudden mood swings: rage, fear, insecurity or withdrawal
  • Leaves “clues” that seem likely to provoke a discussion about sexual issues
  • Writes, draws, plays or dreams of sexual or frightening images
  • Develops new or unusual fear of certain people or places
  • Refuses to talk about a secret shared with an adult or older child
  • Talks about a new older friend
  • Suddenly has money, toys or other gifts without reason
  • Thinks of self or body as repulsive, dirty or bad
  • Exhibits adult-like sexual behaviors, language and knowledge

Signs more typical of younger children


  • An older child behaving like a younger child (such as bed-wetting or thumb sucking)
  • Has new words for private body parts
  • Resists removing clothes when appropriate times (bath, bed, toileting, diapering)
  • Asks other children to behave sexually or play sexual games
  • Mimics adult-like sexual behaviors with toys or stuffed animal
  • Wetting and soiling accidents unrelated to toilet training

Signs more typical in adolescents


  • Self-injury (cutting, burning)
  • Inadequate personal hygiene
  • Drug and alcohol abuse
  • Sexual promiscuity
  • Running away from home
  • Depression, anxiety
  • Suicide attempts
  • Fear of intimacy or closeness
  • Compulsive eating or dieting

Physical warning signs


Physical signs of sexual abuse are rare.  If you see these signs, bring your child to a doctor.   Your doctor can help you understand what may be happening and test for sexually transmitted diseases.

  • Pain, discoloration, bleeding or discharges in genitals, anus or mouth
  • Persistent or recurring pain during urination and bowel movements
  • Wetting and soiling accidents unrelated to toilet training

To cope with the complex society children need more, or different, skills from the generations before them. Several basic and appropriate skills can be taught to children. Schools can teach the children to prioritize things to enable them to choose among tasks. Some schools teach their students that appropriate people to approach when a crisis occurs. Officers from the community give talks at schools to promote safety. Children are being educated on what do to during the crisis of being abused. There are three times of prevention, primary prevention, secondary prevention, and tertiary prevention.  Primary prevention is the effort to educate to public about how to prevent maltreatment. Secondary prevention consists of efforts directed toward high-risk populations. Tertiary prevention is the intervention to prevent the abuse or neglect from continuing. The quest for prevention should begin in schools. It can be hoped that if we teach the children are taught what abusive parents have never learned. The school can teach the child:

Life skill training

Preparation from parenthood

Self-protection training

Educational services for the community

Help for at-risk families

Schools today need to become more involved in the protection and education of children.

            Child abuse and any abuse for that matter needs to be stopped as soon as it is found out about. A child can die because someone did not come forward and report their concerns. If you know someone who is being abused or even if you have a concern please please report it. If you are being abused tell someone, a teacher, family member, church member or someone else that you trust. Abuse is not okay and you can get help.

Essay on BDSM Punishments

When one thinks of BDSM they may think of whips and chains. They may not think of the discipline aspect. A Master may have to discipline their pets/slaves and to do that they have several options that they may use. A Master may spank, ground, isolate, assign papers, lines,  give time outs, have the slave kneel on ice/rice/pebbles, control what the sub eats, where they sleep, where they sit, give a cold shower, speech restrictions and more as punishment.
    Discipline is a key element in BDSM relationships. In a way submissive are a lot like children and Masters/Mistresses are a lot like parents. Masters/Mistress need to correct the behavior that is not wanted. They do this because they love the sub and want them to be all that can be. There are different forms of punishment will very depending on the crime that was committed.
    One of the most basic punishments is grounding. One may be grounded from any number of things. One could be grounded from facebook, tv, computer, game systems, driving the car, going out with friends and so on. Grounding is one way that a Master/Mistress can make the sub realize that they broke a rule and need to think about what they did. It can be used to teach someone that they do not always need to be on facebook, the internet, watching tv, texting, or any other activity that distracts them from their tasks and place as a submissive.
    Isolation can be one of the most sever punishment that can be administered to a submissive. Although it may seem like a non harsh punishment but the effects of it can be devastating if not properly administered. To administer an isolation punishment one must place the sub in a room, preferably with nothing else in the room, and leave them alone. The sub should have nothing in the room to entertain themselves, or distract them from the fact that they are being punished. To avoid severe problems the sub should not be left in isolation for more than three days. Short term isolation can be an effective punishment but long term isolation can destroy a persons psyche.
    Time outs can be effected form of punishment. Just like a parent places a child in time out to attempt to diffuse the situation. A Master/Mistress can place a sub in a time out to try to diffuse a situation that could lead to a worse punishment. One min per the subs age is a good way to determine how long a sub needs to be in a time out. Time outs can be in the corner, on a chair in the living room, it could be a step on the stair case and sometimes can even be in a room alone. A time out can also be used before and after a spanking to allow the sub time to think about the upcoming punishment or the punishment that they just received and why they were spanked.
    Spankings are probably the most thought of punishment when one thinks of BDSM. Spankings can be given with a variety of different objects. A spanking could be a light or hard, the length of the spanking can be short or long depending on what the crime was. A spanking can be given with a paddle, wooden hairbrush, strap, twase, cane, single tale whip, a dragon tongue, flogger, or a belt.
Paddles can be made out of a variety of things, such as wood, lexan, plastic, leather, or fur. Wood paddles can be engraved with words or painted with pictures to remind the slave that it is a punishment paddle or even a play paddle. One can get a paddle with holes (pictured to the left) to increase the speed of the swat and increase the pain.   Lexan is a hard and practically unbreakable polycarbonate that hurts when smacked against the skin. A lexan paddle (pictured above) can be shaped like a square, an oval, and can have holes drilled into it to increase the strength of the swat and the sting that come with it. Plastic paddles are a lot like lexan but are less ridged.  They too can have holes drilled into them to increase the pain. A wooden hair brush is one that many people may remember from their childhood. The wooden brush is one of the most painful implements that can be used. Unless one is skilled in single tale (pictured right) and dragon tongue whips they should not be used on a sub. The danger of seriously hurting them is too likely to safely whip them unless one knows what they are doing. Floggers are a wonderful tool to use on the back as well as the rear end and legs of the sub. Spanking tools can always be dangerous if not used properly.
One punishment that is very hard for a sub is kneeling on rice, ice, or pebbles. If one kneels on uncooked rice for a long period of time it can cut into the knees and will cause a pain that will not go away for a while. It will remind the sub of the punishment and hopefully will remember not to act out again. Kneeling on ice is only advisable in short amounts. It will numb the knees and send a pain though the whole leg of the submissive. Pebbles feel much like rice but can cause more pain than the rice does. 
If a sub gets too mouthy or continues to speak out of turn a Master/Mistress can gag the sub. There are many different types of gags that one could use. There are breather ball gags, bit gags, O ring gags, penis gags, muzzles, inflatable gags, and versatile gags. A versatile gag has many attachments that one can buy such as; a dildo attachment, ash tray attachment, (pictured) toilet brush, boot brush, feather duster, toilet paper attachment, serving tray,(pictured) the “how may I help you” and the half moon bit gag.  Gags can be effective to teach a sub not to back talk or speak out of turn. The versatile gags can also be used to teach a sub that they are there to serve.
Some Owners choose to have their sub refrain from pleasuring themselves unless given permission. Sometimes a sub may find this hard and will break that rule over and over. If this is the case the Owner may place their sub in a chastity belt.(Pictured) This device can be locked in four places and prevents the sub or anyone else from gaining access to the subs gentiles. This device can be very frustrating for a sub who is use to receiving pleasure a lot. In the olden days men would place their daughters and wives in a chastity belt to prevent them from rape and infidelity while they went to war or when they would leave for months at a time.
    A Master/Mistress can control what food the sub does or does not eat. If a sub forgets to ask permission to eat their food an Owner can take away the privilege to eat food that tastes good. They can be restricted to eating only rice and oatmeal, or what ever the Owner decides is appropriate. If the sub bites the Owner they may be restricted to only liquid foods because they have shown that they cannot use their teeth for what they were meant to be used for. 
    An Owner may also decide that their sub needs to be punished by sleeping in a cage or on the floor.  Subs can be left in their cage for the night with nothing to do but think about why they are not allowed to sleep in the same bed and sometimes not even in the same room as their Owner. Cages come in all shapes and sizes. The most common cage is large dog crate. (Pictured) Cages like this can be locked to prevent the sub from getting out during the night. It is not suggested that one locks the sub in the cage unless they are a very light sleeper. It can be dangerous to keep the sub locked up with no way out.
    Another way that an Owner can punish their sub is with a speech restriction. Some Owners prefer to have their sub only speak when spoken to. However, some subs have the privilege to speak freely and having that taken away can be one of the most difficult things for a sub to deal with. Some subs have the gift of gab and love to speak with their owners and having that taken away can really make them think about what they did to be silenced.
    If a sub is being overly horney or isn’t listening to an Owner can make them take a cold shower to jolt them in to listening and stop them from begging for sex, at least for a while. If a sub uses all the hot water they can be punished with cold showers for a set amount of time. Doing this will remind the sub not to use all the hot water when they take a shower.
    For someone who hates to write lines and essays are a good form of punishment. They will make the sub think about the thing they did wrong and why they are being punished. Some littles will be given lines to make them remember what they did and to remind them not to do it again. A little/sub that bites their Owner may have to write “I will not bite” a set number of times. This punishment can be cuppled with any of the others but is usually the most effective when it is used with a spanking and corner time.
    Over all there are many punishments that can be used to correct a subs behavior. Some punishments can be made up on the spot. The punishment needs to fit the crime and the sub needs to truly be sorry for anything to work. Spanking, corner time, lines, essays, cold showers, loss of sleeping in bed, speaking, and eating are just a few of the many punishments that a sub can experience.





















Works Cited
Ash Tray. Photograph. Web. 18 Apr. 2011. <http://stockroom.com/Ash-Tray-Attachment-P2450.aspx>.
Bull Whip. Photograph. Web. 18 Apr. 2011. <http://stockroom.com/3-Mini-Bull-Whip-12-plait-BlackPurple-P4170.aspx>.
Dog Crate. Photograph. Web. 18 Apr. 2011. <http://www.amazon.com/Midwest-Life-Stages-Double-Door-Folding/dp/B0002AT3M4/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1303103519&sr=8-2>.
Lexan Paddle. Photograph. Web. 18 Apr. 2011. <http://www.elizabethburns.net/lexan%20paddle.jpg>.
Paddle with Holes. Photograph. Web. 18 Apr. 2011. <http://stockroom.com/18-Black-Paddle-w-Holes-P1530.aspx>.
Serving Tray. Photograph. Web. 18 Apr. 2011. <http://stockroom.com/Serving-Tray-Attachment-P2451.aspx>.

To my Sister

My Dear,

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
cause I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together cause

 i'll be there for you always
always and always
just look over your shoulder
i'll be there for you always
always

I will always be with you, holding your hand, I will always be there for you. You need not fear what lays ahead, no matter what comes our way we can get through as long as we stick together.
Love
Tessa

New Pics!!

Imp has started climbing the latter that is in our house. He loves to jump from the top.


 This was taken just after it had rained. I love going out and seeing the rain drops. I love everything to do with rain. The Neko below is how I see myself sometimes. My hair is the same color and I love to hide in boxes.
Last weekend I visited my parents and I found that they have some new pets. They now have three ducks and two pings. Thomas (Pictured in the orange jacket) has the three ducks. He named them Ducky Ricko and yeller. Steven has the pigs and said that he does not plan on naming them.
 The ducks love the pool that my parents have set up in the yard. They love to run all over and annoy the dogs who are annoyed that they cant get to the ducks. Doug the golden wants to eat them.









Wednesday, May 11, 2011

...

School starts on Monday..Im starting my CNA classes so I can get a decent job. Im hoping that once I have a job things here wont be so tense. I hate having to hold everything inside me...all the pain..the anger..the hurting..I want to be able to talk to someone..to be heard..to be understood. I hate having to just say okay and nod when a comment is made. I dont want to get in trouble for asking a question or dreaming of a trip to the lake. I want to cry...scream..I want to be held and comforted. I want to be able to greet him at the door and not worry about what type of mood he will be in. I want to be able to say lets talk and not have to fight for his attention. I loathe the computer, the internet games, the comics, the movies. I just want to be able to talk to him and not fight for it. I want him to hear me when i say something. I want to be able to talk about my feelings and actually be heard instead of brushed off. I want to be able to look at him and see the love he has for me..not the negative feelings he has against me. I want to love myself..i want to be loved...but who cares what I want..im just a lowly slave. I dont matter.