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School starts on Monday..Im starting my CNA classes so I can get a decent job. Im hoping that once I have a job things here wont be so tense. I hate having to hold everything inside me...all the pain..the anger..the hurting..I want to be able to talk to someone..to be heard..to be understood. I hate having to just say okay and nod when a comment is made. I dont want to get in trouble for asking a question or dreaming of a trip to the lake. I want to cry...scream..I want to be held and comforted. I want to be able to greet him at the door and not worry about what type of mood he will be in. I want to be able to say lets talk and not have to fight for his attention. I loathe the computer, the internet games, the comics, the movies. I just want to be able to talk to him and not fight for it. I want him to hear me when i say something. I want to be able to talk about my feelings and actually be heard instead of brushed off. I want to be able to look at him and see the love he has for me..not the negative feelings he has against me. I want to love myself..i want to be loved...but who cares what I want..im just a lowly slave. I dont matter.